Monday, November 10, 2008


I have been feeling pretty conflicted lately, out of my groove... aimless.

I have so many thoughts swirling in my head questioning what I really want to do with my time and my life. Where do I want to head? What is the plan supposed to be?

I hate being aimless.

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a planner. My friends make fun of me for keeping track of the calendar in my head. I have this crazy need to know what direction I am headed. A lot of that was broken when I had twins and then seven months later moved to a new state so my husband could go to business school full time. We didn't know until January what school he would be at in August, then we didn't know until the next February where we would be for his summer internship in June. Luckily, he got a full time job offer from that internship, so we knew where we would be moving this past April six months early.

Anyway, I digress...

Right now I feel like I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I am a teacher by training, with a bachelor degree in elementary education and a masters in administration and supervision. Right now, my plan is definitely to go back to teaching, but not for another five years or so, when my baby is in kindergarten.

So what do I do until then?

I hope no one takes this the wrong way when I say that I am not good at being a stay-at-home mom. Cooking, cleaning... none of it gives me any kind of feeling of pride or accomplishment. I know that I need to find something to do that is just for me. When the opportunity to blog at Polliwogged arrived, I jumped at it, and I have definitely been enjoying it. I am slowly but surely learning about the social media world and the circles of mom bloggers - it is way bigger than I ever anticipated. But is this what I want to do?

I have so many ideas in my head about things I could do. I could concentrate on blogging and writing. But what should the aim of my blog be? I am fairly clueless right now, although I have tons of ideas. I also have thought of starting my own business, but that seems so overwhelming right now. I love being able to be at home with my kids, so something I could do from home would be nice, but where do I begin?

Sorry for rambling, but I just have all of these scattered thoughts in my head and I really don't know where to turn with them. I am all discombobulated, distracted from my life.

I am conflicted.

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